Where the Hell Have I Been? – Feeling Overwhelmed

Where the Hell Have I Been? – Feeling Overwhelmed

Feeling overwhelmed. I never know if doing ‘update’ posts is a good idea but I feel as though I need to clear this and get it all out. The last month has been a particularly challenging one pushing me in so many different ways, not all bad, but all a little too much.

Where do I begin?

I have very severe anxiety, that’s no secret. Even though I THINK I do well in stressful, fast-paced situations… I don’t. I hold everything together until the finish line is in sight and then I start to break down. My head gets jumbled up with all these little bits of information I have to remember, dates, numbers, meetings, appointments… It’s a lot to deal with for the average person but everything is heightened with anxiety.

I took on too much.

I have to admit this. I’ve taken on too much. Along with starting therapy, which is a huge step for me, the last month has been packed with other lots of other tasks.

How much…?

I work freelance, from home. Mainly due to anxiety but also because I need the freedom and flexibility to get on with other tasks, which I’ll talk about later. The thing is I’m often underpaid for my work. I have to accept low paying contracts because I need the money but I should be paid much more for my time. My job includes a LOT of tasks and trust me when I say, people do take advantage!

I’m trying to keep my head above the water with my blog. I adore blogging and I love this little space I have on the internet but it takes up a lot of time. I need to find things to write about and sit down to plan and push content out. It’s been lacking and that upsets me because this is my creative outlet. This is somewhere I let myself relax and do whatever I want to do.

I started another business. This happened a while ago but things have really taken off in the last few months, especially this month so far. When you’re just starting, you’re working crazy hours for little to no money and it can get extremely overwhelming. I won’t ever give up on this, it’s something I’ve wanted for years and I’m so in love with everything I do, I just need more hours in the day!

And of course,

I’m battling crippling anxiety. Becoming overwhelmed with everything has really set it off. I’m trying to recover and heal my mind but it’s proving to be so difficult. I started therapy this month which is amazing but I worry I’m not in the right head space. The last 2 weeks I’ve worked 15 hours a day, 6 – 7 days a week and I can’t do that anymore. I’m mentally exhausted.

Time to heal.

I need to put my mental health first, as does everyone. Right now I can’t worry about money or anything else. It has to be me and my recovery. I’m taking a step back and having a ‘mental clear out’. De-cluttering and starting fresh, hopefully. I need to learn to structure my days and plan in advance. Give myself breaks when I need them and actually live my life. Being overwhelmed is an odd feeling. Mine has been mixed in with a number of emotions. Happiness, sadness, excitement, anxiousness…

You’re going to burn yourself out.

You can’t do everything at once. We are human and we have limits. All our limits are different. Right now I may be overwhelmed with things others may find easy, and that is ok. I’m fine with needing to build myself back up. I deserve to treat myself with kindness and make sure I’m ok. I think everyone deserves the same.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed then give yourself time to breathe.

 

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2 Comments

  1. November 20, 2017 / 7:57 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been having a tough time. I can relate! I’m glad you’ve been taking time out to put your health first, though. Sending hugs! x

    • abigail
      November 23, 2017 / 12:03 am

      Thank you lovely! Hope you’re feeling better too x

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