Todays post is going to be a little more serious and a little more personal than some of my others. I know I have quite a few readers interested in mental health, after all that’s how my blog started. I’ve been a bit more absent than usual lately, not just on here but from friends and family as well and I think it’s time I explain what’s going on.
As a lot of you will know I’ve been suffering from anxiety and depression for a long time, sometimes I could cope fine with it and other times I wasn’t so great with it. The last couple of weeks have been immensely stressful and upsetting for me but I’m finally coming to terms with the fact I have agoraphobia.
What is agoraphobia?
Agoraphobia is a fear of being in situations where escape might be difficult or that help wouldn’t be available if things go wrong.
Many people assume agoraphobia is simply a fear of open spaces, but it’s actually a more complex condition. Someone with agoraphobia may be scared of:
- travelling on public transport
- visiting a shopping centre
- leaving home
If someone with agoraphobia finds themselves in a stressful situation, they’ll usually experience the symptoms of a panic attack, such as:
- rapid heartbeat
- rapid breathing (hyperventilating)
- feeling hot and sweaty
- feeling sick
- feeling dizzy
- becoming weak especially in the knees
- shaking uncontrollably
People with agoraphobia avoid situations that cause any anxiety and may only leave the house with a friend or partner. They’ll order groceries online rather than going to the supermarket. This change in behaviour is known as avoidance. – This information was taken from the nhs website.
My personal agoraphobia
So, it’s gotten to the point I can’t actually leave the house without anyone with me. I cannot go anywhere on my own because I will have a panic attack. I can’t take public transport even if I am with someone and I can’t be in really crowded places.
I am actually afraid of leaving my house. The only place I am comfortable is my home, with my friends or family here. Sometimes I even feel uncomfortable when I am home alone.
The last 3 weeks have been terrifying for me. I’ve seen my mental health go downhill very quickly and not had any control over it. In the last 2 years I’ve watched myself go from the most out going, bubbly, happy person you will ever know to someone who cries when they have to leave their house, who can’t go to any events like parties or nights out. I even struggle going to my hospital appointments.
This all started with an illness that effects my stomach, I still have that illness now. Because I was vomiting a lot and always felt sick or tired or had some other stupid symptom I would avoid leaving the house. Slowly and slowly the fear has gotten worse and it’s now at the point where I will avoid going out at all costs.
I want to tell you guys this because you see me on social media and other places with a full face of make up, reviewing products I get sent for free and think ‘ah, she has such a great life’. People can’t just assume and I’m here to tell you my life isn’t too perfect. It never has been and I don’t think it ever will be. I want to tell you that I work really hard on my blog, I’m so passionate about it and I am SO lucky to be sent things by the most wonderful brands. This is what I love to do and I am so blessed to be able to do it from my own home, where I am comfortable. I appreciate everything I am given and all the support I get however, my health WILL always come first.
So the plan is medication and therapy. I will work closely with my doctor and therapist to do whatever we can to get me on the road to recovery. I’m determine to get my personality back, along with my stomach! Having a physical and mental illness at the same time is crazy hard guys, I feel sick 24/7, I never feel good. I want to keep you guys up to date with how I’m getting on. I’ll still be on here, blogging about health and beauty and other exciting things! I have a lot coming up. In 2 days it’s my 21st birthday and I’ll be blogging about my make up and other birthday related things, I have a haul lined up too… it’s a big one.
I really hope some people understand agoraphobia a little better. It is a genuine illness, around 2 in 100 people suffer from it and it is absolutely debilitating.
I want to take a minute to thank all of you who send love and support my way, I love every single one of you. So many of you guys have been here since my first post and you’ve just helped my blog climb and climb, along with my mood!
I hope you all have the most amazing weekend, I’ll see you when I’m 21!
If any of you have any questions as always comment, tweet me or you can always dm me on instagram, linked on my blog and usernames are below.
Just a quick note – my email on this page is now for BUSINESS enquiries only. If you wish to contact me about something personal please message me privately over social media, I check EVERY day.
LOTS OF LOVE, ABZ